Whimsical whirring and horrifying humming come from down the main corridor, and although you know this may end badly, otherworldly inquisition bids you come closer to the door marked: CAUTION.
You swing the door open and it bangs against the wall with an explosive *CRASH!!* Glowing red lights blind you, and as your eyes adjust you realize that you’re staring at maniacal chains and wiring meant for only one thing: this is where they take misbehaving mounts. Oh the horror! Oh the deception! What have these mounts done to deserve such treatment?- you wonder.
Mike Bouissiere, Chief Design Engineer/Master of Corruption turns to you to explain, “These mounts are not being treated maliciously. This is just a part of the process of our new weight, load and stress testing system. Please, allow me to DEMONstrate!” He flips the light switch on (Duh! Why didn’t you think of that?) and does a ghostly glide over to the machine. “This is where we test our mount’s durability and weight limits. Why keep doing things the old way? We’re moving away from a DEAD testing system and into the future of ensuring that our mounts maintain a devilishly durable stress and weight capacity.”
But… but the chains!? And certainly that’s a blood-splatter zone?? Surely you’re here to taunt these poor mounts with some kind of terrifying torture!
“The chains hold the mount as a back-up, just to be extra safe. As with the protective covering just in case anything should go wrong. We certainly wouldn’t want anything… unfortunate, to happen. Safety First!”
And the levers? I think I saw this machine in a movie that gave me nightmares!
“The levers use pressure to pull down on the mount, allowing us to place the precise amount of weight that we want on it with the touch of a few buttons. Our weight limits are always tested to make sure that we don’t put any product on the market without making sure that we let the public know just how hard they can push ‘em. If we say the AM-500 can hold 500 lb., you can bet we’ve tested it over and above that weight to make sure we’re the authority on mounts! As a matter of fact, we test each mount with four times it’s capacity, and occasionally we’ll even test them to their literal breaking point. But it’s all to give ultimate customer satisfaction and safety.”
You’re feeling much better. Maybe this isn’t a torture chamber, after all. They’re just making sure to keep you safe with your mount installation. Mike doesn’t seem like such a bad guy. But wait… what’s that red glow that just flashed in his eye……………..